23 December 2014

The Day I Turned 21

It was less than a normal day, I woke up, had breakfast, then stayed in bed from 11 till 6:30. When my mum came to me and told me to go pick my little sister up from her friend's house. I got up, after twenty minutes of trying to, wondered if it's worth it to change from my pyjama pants to jeans, and I believe it was written that I change, thankfully. I put on the first hijab I laid my hand on when I opened the drawer. Looking like the most bored person on earth my sister walked in, 'I want to come' she said. I looked at her, dressed up in her best, looking fancy and all, I smirked. Of course her being my sister understood that I couldn't understand why she is that dressed up, like she could have left in her pyjamas too. 'I wore the first thing I saw' she, lamely, explained. I was too bored to stress on that and we just left.
I came home and my mum was standing at the door, she seemed fishy but I didn't have the time to think it through. she walked inside and I followed. Now a tip about me, I get scared easily. Still not expecting a single damn thing, I jumped off my feet as I heard a whole bunch of people singing 'happy birthday'. My adrenaline kicked in and I ran into the kitchen and back.
There they were, my favourite people in the world, all there in one room. And of course with the best looking cake ever.
After shaking and not processing what has happened for about 5 minutes, we cut the cake and sat down to eat. At this point I was having the best time Ive ever had. My father and mother, my sisters and best friend, all of my friends and beloved around one table. I just disconnected from the world for a couple of minutes, looking around me, my heart pounding fast, I felt my soul dancing inside my body. I felt truly blessed. I wasn't talking, I wasn't listening, I was just thinking 'El HamduleAllah, El HamduleAllah El HamduleAllah'.
I could say a lot about that night. I could speak of that night forever. And the memory of that night is something that would never leave my mind. It is something I can look back on that would make me smile in seconds, but for hours. 

13 February 2014

The Future

You know, sometimes you come up with those great plans that you could do, plans to reach a certain goal, plans to help your family, plans to serve your nation, just whatever plans.. Like those things you think of late at night when you can't fall asleep, that moment at night when everything is reachable and you feel like you own the world, those plans, those big dreams, go for them! Don't just feel silly in the morning, or feel stoppable, the minutes are passing and you only have one life, get a pencil and a paper and write them down, think them through, how can you get to them? And most importantly what is stopping you? Can what's stopping you be fixed? Go fix it!
Everyday we end up saying: 'tomorrow', 'today I don't feel like it', 'it's going to complicate things', 'I can't do this alone', 'not in this country'.. those are all in your mind! Remember the plans you had when you were ten that you kept for when you're twenty? Well you are twenty and planing for things for when you're thirty. Well I'm telling you now, when you're thirty you'll be planning for fifty and those dreams will be lost once again. And when you are sixty, you'll just wish you were ten again to do everything you can't do anymore.
Be naive, be stupid, make mistakes, fail, do things you'd look back to in ten years and be ashamed of yourself, because right then you'd know; at least you did something.

Today I did something.
After going to the dentist and finding out that my wisdom teeth had flipped and no longer needed surgery my family and I headed to my childhood best friends, or shall I say childhood's second family's home to see their latest four days old family member. It was my first time meeting Ali, he is incredibly tiny, and very cute! His mom and I have big photography plans for the future.
After that I went to Starbucks with my friends, and no, not just to hangout. We are forming a small 'organisation', if that's what I may call it, and we had set our goals and hopes to help our nation rise up instead of waiting for older people to take action. We are the youth, we are the future, and we are capable. Some of our plans for the future may be bigger than us, buy we are all in for achieving them, and we will not quit. Stay tuned for more details. 

12 February 2014


So I've been sitting here for five hours trying to come up with something to write, but my mind has just gone blank!
Do you ever have those moments where you just want to give up on everything and sit there in bed not having to worry about a person or some sort of work or family or life or anything, just sit there enjoy a couple of songs and a sunset?
Some days get hard, but I promise you, everything will be okay!
And always remember, you are good enough, strong enough to get back up on your feet and smile your way through your day, you are strong enough to be happy and make the best of everything..
Keep in mind that you are awesome. And I know you are because you are wasting to read my, mostly boring, blog, yea it makes you awesome to me. Being awesome to me is something, isn't it?

Today I had my first taco ever! My mum had made us some for lunch and I loved them, and since it was my first, I had to share it here.
Then I hung out with a couple of ladies my friends and I met the other day, and they are americans and came here for on a cultural exchange program, they are real nice people, but we got too carried away talking about mansaf and ramadan rituals that I forgot to take a group photo. But we are supposed to hang out again before they leave so maybe then you'd meet them.
At last I came back home to my cousin's birthday. She studies in Belgium and only comes to Jordan during holidays, so it hadn't happened that she's here on her birthday for a couple of years now, so we had to celebrate. And she eats Gluten Free, meaning: she can't eat anything that has wheat or anything related to it, meaning: she can't eat any sort of cake. And what is a birthday without a cake to put candles on. Eventually my sister and I came up with the idea of having a banana for a cake, yes literally a banana. We ended up having a great time and a great laugh, and that cake was delicious! 

11 February 2014

100 Happy Days

I know I'm a happy and grateful person, but what is it that makes me happy?
To know the answer to that I registered for a challenge today, you may have heard of already, which is made to make people happier. I love the idea of this challenge so I'm sharing it with you, because I think everyone should take this challenge. You have nothing to lose. Please make it go mainstream lol
It simply goes like this:
You register,  pick on which social media you want to make the challenge, and you start posting photos  every single day for a 100 days in a row of a thing that made you happy that day.
Click here for their website!
Now it seems excitingly easy at first, but when you think of it; a 100 days are not simple, that's a hell lot of days there!
I personally am going to be posting on Instagram, you can follow me here.
And lastly, good luck if you are going to take it.

Today I woke up to a phone call from mum saying that I should bring my sister from school, so I dressed up fast and went out. Got back home and had lunch, right after we decided to go to the mall. When I was there my friends messaged me that they are going to hang out in the mall at 6. 
It was a perfect coincidence, I finished shopping empty handed and went down to meet them. As usual had good laughs with the weirdest people, I believe that our weirdness is what keeps us together, always a good time with them!
And Tala got us Krispy Kreme donuts from Dubai, thank you Tala, and welcome back!

10 February 2014

Holiday Plans

So today I took my sister to the dentist, and then had a 'wisdom teeth X-ray' and then went to the mall very fast to pick up a new external hard disk and spent the day moving files to provide some extra space on my laptop. So nothing interesting happened.
But for this holiday I have big plans, something like new year's resolutions, but holiday resolutions. does that even make sense? 

I want to learn Adigabza, I have taken a course before, but this time many of my friends are taking it with me so I am hoping we'd be able to practice a lot more. I am really excited for this one!

Get back in touch with all of my friends, the old and the new, and try to make time for everyone, I appreciate every single person in my life and I want to spend my time with all of them. So I'll surely work on that.

Read the stack of books I've been keeping to when I have free time. I think I'm going to start with 'The Fault In Our Stars' because I want to finish reading it before it hits the cinemas. I'll give reviews on the books I read as I finish each one. And I'm sorry that the rest are all Agatha Christie's, her books are the most enjoyable for me.

Learn how to cook. I love baking, but I have never cooked. And I believe that it is time that I start learning how to cook, I'll start with basics that are essential in every dish and work my way up to learning how to cook a whole dish. I'll share some tips if I find anything useful.

Watch the series that I love and dive into endless fandoms.  Because you know when I have uni I might have 2 hours a day to watch two or three episodes, but then it will take so much of my mind, cause I really get involved in series and start to live and feel with them. it just doesn't go, emotionally, with uni. If anyone has this same issue, please be my friend.

I'll keep you posted on where I get with those, and I'll give reviews for the books and series, and movies if I ever watch any.

09 February 2014

Be Kind

In our modern day being kind is considered a sign of weakness, in people's eyes it allows everyone to take advantage of them.
I used to believe that too, I thought being kind is a weakness too.
But I lately figured out that it isn't, helping people, being there for everyone, caring about everyone, it may be harder, but it's not weak. And if you are kind enough, then you are smart enough to know if the people taking advantage of it are worth it or not. And if not you are strong enough to let them go.
And always remember that God asked us to be kind, so if you were God would be there for you and will help you through it all.

Today I went on a photography mission, that turned into one of the most memorable days of my life. Sometimes you meet people, and right from the first second you can tell that they are special, and today I hung out with two of those people. We had good laughs and had a hell lot of fun!
I hope we get to do it again sometime

08 February 2014

It's just the beginning

Why do I do this? Who is interested? What is so special about my life?
Questions like this drained me out of motivation, and I stopped blogging. To tell you that I have answered those questions and that's why I am back, no I haven't. And I don't know why I'm back, blogging makes me happy I guess. So here I go again.

I wanted the first post back to be special, so I waited until today.

Today was a special day in my life. Not a very good kind of special, but a unique kind of special.
Today was the day when Circassians all around the world came together to stand strong and support one united cause.
The cause that is bigger than the Olympics, the cause that proves that Sochi is our land, is the land which our ancestors fought on in order for us to stay alive, for us to keep their legacy alive, for us to deliver their message that says Sochi is a free Circassian land, and it will never be Russian. 

Today was the opening ceremony of the Sochi olympics, the Sochi olympics that we have been trying to stop for half a decade. but is it over? no it's not. Even if the Olympics had started, and even if they end, it's all just the beginning. The Olympics just lit the flame of an angry nation, which after 150 years came back to fighting over their rights.

01 January 2014

The last goodbye

I have so much to say and nowhere to say it but here..

When I close my eyes I see myself and my cousins in my grandparent's guest room, running around the dining table in circles, over and over again until we get dizzy, and then we'd hide under the table because that was our home and shelter from the bad guys, we'd sit under that table for hours, taking the games we play too seriously. Nothing would get us out of there except the sound of the door unlocking. We'd give each other the look of 'game on' and an evil challenging grin and we take off like rocket ships, racing to the door, my grandpa would be there taking off his shoes or locking the door back again, the first one to jump on him and give him a kiss would go: "FIRST!" And so on it goes. We'd all get attached to him, he carries one, and the others would wrap their arms around his waist, and together we'd walk into the living room. We'd just sit there, chatting and laughing. And God be with the person my grandpa catches, he would wrap us up with his legs very tight, and tickle us until anyone else comes in and give him a kiss, by that time tears would be running down our cheeks from laughter, and he'd sit us down on his lap and gives us a kiss, but we'd run away so we don't get caught and tickled again. I can't remember a moment of when I was young, that included my grandpa that was boring or sad. Times with him were filled with laughter, joy and happiness.

When I close my eyes I'd see us sitting on the dining table, grown up a bit, my grandpa would sit beside me, cause it was always like that, him and I have to sit side by side everytime we're on the table, and everytime he'd go "great! Why did you sit beside me? Listen, I want to eat peacefully. Please do not tickle me" I'd laugh and he'd have his serious face on like he means it, which makes me laugh even more. Moments later, I'd drop my spoon and laugh so hard because he started tickling me as I ate, "didn't I tell you to leave me in peace! Can't you see I'm eating?" He'd say. And then my cousin would come in, after he already ate, and grandpa would say: "come over and eat with us, basha. Your grandma washed her hands before she cooked wAllah". 

When I close my eyes, i see myself walking on the pavement, texting my friends on my mobile, grown up a bit more, i get up those three stairs and ring the bell. My grandma would open the door, I'd kiss her hello and rush in to see him. He'd be there sitting on the ground finishing his prayer, I just wait there until he is done, walk up to him and give him a hug from the back, "you freaked me out!" He'd say after he jumps a bit in his place, although he felt me there from the moment I walked in, but he knew it would make me laugh, and it did. He'd get up on his feet, turn to me and give me a hug and he'd say those words that echo in my head every second of ever hour of every day "you're the one I love most in this world, you know that?" I've seen my grandpa a billion times in my life. Every. Single. Time. He'd say that to me. Whenever I got mad at the world, my friends, my sisters, my parents, I'd think of him and realise that someone out there doesn't notice my mistakes, doesn't tease me or get me upset doesn't want my grades to be high, doesn't expect me to be perfect. Someone out there loves me exactly the way I am, and never, not once made me feel otherwise.

When I closed my eyes and thought of the future, I saw my grandpa at my graduation, sitting there proud of me, clapping his hands to the sound of my name echoing in the stadium as I walk on stage to get my graduation certificate, I saw my grandpa walking me to the room where my husband and the shiekh would be sitting to sign my marriage papers, he'd stand there with a smile on his face and tears in his eyes of how I've grown so much. I saw my grandpa holding my first child praying in his ear, loving my kid as much as he loved me. I saw my kid running towards my grandpa to kiss him hello, and maybe have a little tickle, and then we'd sit on the table, I, him and my kid and he'd go "great! I'm surrounded from both sides! Guys come on, don't tickle me I want to eat peacefully" and we'd laugh at him..

He's gone too quick, too young, too soon. He was the best person in my life, more than I ever let him know. There is nothing I regret more that putting my studies or my friends above him and grandma. But it's what teens do I guess, they run after their selfish ways and forget about the people who really matter. How much I regret the times that I chose to hang out with my friends than hang out with him. But what does regret do now? I just thought he'd hang around a while longer, I thought I'd have more time with him in the future, when having fun stops being my first priority. And God knows it had stopped. Just a little too late.

And now about 20 days have passed. And the thought of him gone away just doesn't seem real. Feels like he's busy with something and he's going to come back, to bring joy to the home that is mourning over him, to bring joy to the hearts of everyone that is missing him like hell. But he isn't.

Here is to you grandpa. And may God rest your soul in peace, and may angels lead you in through the doors of heaven. And may you live in eternal peace forever in the hands of God. And may I see you again in heaven, and tell you how sorry I am, and how you are my favourite person in this whole wide world, and may we never fall apart again. I have and always will love you a lot.