10 May 2015

Dreams Coming True


Like a dream. That's how it feels like to cross off the item on top of your bucket list. You feel like your feet are floating off the ground, and your head gets dizzy, your sight gets blurry and you stare waiting for that moment you'll suddenly feel like you're falling to wake up. But you never do, you don't fall. It happens, and it ends, and you go back home to your normal life.
The next day you open your eyes and you see the ceiling of your bedroom, you are not there anymore, you are here now. And you really don’t know whether to smile because it happened, or cry because it’s over. 

While it happened though.. I was in my seat waiting for the match, knowing it will get delayed because it was raining heavily. But I sat there anyway, under the rain, hovering my sight across the court back and forth. Andrew Barron Murray is going to walk this court right now, I thought. He is going to be a couple of meters away from me. I let that sink in as I thought of all the nights I spent awake, the exams I didn’t study, the outings I didn’t attend to watch his matches. All the sunrises I watched reflect on the screen as I screamed in silence not to wake my parents up. All the prayers I made for him to win a championship. All the hours I spent reading articles about him, following his news. Remembering the happiness that seeing him winning brings to my heart, how I stayed pumped for a whole week after his first grand slam. How I wake up every single day to that photo of him on my side table and smile. How I defended him with all I had when someone spoke bad of him, like he was a dear friend. How when I was feeling low, all it took was a match to motivate me. How seeing him fight for the points taught me how to never give up. And I’m an adult now, I know that the only thing that motivates the mind is itself, but growing up, it felt like he was my biggest motivation. This big part of my life that I only saw on a screen was going to stand in front of me, and not even know of any of the things going in my head. 
And after 3 hours of rain delay he did, he stood in front of me. They called his name and he walked out, the court was too silent I could hear him talk and breath. And I just.. I didn’t understand. I can easily say I still don’t. This all feels like one vivid dream. One that makes me very happy. One that would never ever in a hundred years fail to make me smile. 

Visiting the Allianz Arena felt nearly the same. The feeling of happiness dancing through your veins as your lungs excitedly struggle for air as you look around, not understanding. 
And it’s a week later now and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the facts straight in my head. 

Munich. The most tiring yet beautiful weekend of my life. I got so tired that I slept for an entire day when I came back. I really think I slept 40 hours of the 48 hours post my trip. I left at 5 in the morning, got to my hotel at about 12 noon. I left the hotel at 7 in the evening, missed my train and reached back home at 7 in the morning.I can say it was quiet the experience, and I am so relieved that I have used up every last bit of time I had. I really didn’t waste a minute. I wore my clothes and I got on that uban, I didn’t know where it headed, I didn’t know where I went down, I was in a city I have never seen before, without internet connection and without anyone there with me. And I loved it. I walked with no direction; I just kept going forward to the unknown. I think everyone should try to do that sometime, nothing feels like it.