Settled In

This town is now my town. This home is now my home. This university is now my university.

I now know the streets, know the buses, know where to find tea in my favourite supermarket. When a man stops me in the street and asks me about a place I can tell him how to get there. Hell, now the girl at Starbucks writes my name on the cup without asking me about it.

I am no longer a visitor, no longer a tourist. I now live here. I am part of this place, and it has become a part of me.

Over the weekend I left my home and went to Frankfurt and Koblenz. It was a nice change. I loved Frankfurt, I went there with thoughts that it is not that nice of a city because of how people talked about it. Being too modern to be German. But I loved it, it has a nice atmosphere to it.

Koblenz, on the other hand, is a very old city full of old buildings, reminded me much of 'the Book thief'. It was Sunday when I was in Koblenz though so we mostly saw the tourist attraction rather than the actual city, so I'd like to go back to it again.

It was around 10 pm on a quite kind of night with bits of rain falling and stopping when I arrived in Wiesbaden after a two day very fun but very exhausting trip, I walked out of the Hauptbahnhof and walked into bus 6 which is supposed to take me home. As soon as the bus moved I realized I was on the wrong one, but that was okay, I could go down at the next stop and cross the street to the right station to get the right bus.

The bus drove quite a distance before we got to the first stop, and I walked down. I crossed the street and got to my station, I looked at the time, luckily for me, the bus was in 13 minutes.  I walked around a bit exploring this street I’ve never been on and came back to the station on time. The bus arrived a pulled over, I walked towards the back door cause it was closer to me, I waited and the door didn’t open. I clicked the button that opens the door, but it still didn’t open. I turned around to walk towards the front door and ask the bus driver about the problem, as I started taking my first step the bus started moving. And just like that, it was gone.

Because it is Sunday, the next bus was in 50 minutes. Waiting for it meant getting home at around 12. So I decided to walk home.

Walking 4 kilometres is no trouble for me on a normal day. But I was dead tired because we had walked all day, and I had a very heavy backpack that had my laptop, camera, and all of my luggage.

But I had no other option. I thought if I find a bus on the way back I'd take it. But I found none.

Really close to breaking down I walked by the closest bus stop to my house. There I found a man on a wheelchair with no legs. It sent shivers down my spine because, yes my legs were numb, but at least I had them. I smiled at him, he smiled at me and I walked up the stairs to my room.

I often forget how blessed I am. And it really makes me sad that it usually takes something to remind me. But lately, I've been counting my blessings every single day. They get me through the loneliness and the exhaustion.

I am proud of myself right now. I thought, the first night on my own is going to be hard. Eating alone is going to be sad. Walking alone is going to be lonely. And they are, but I am still enjoying them. And I'm proud that I haven't had a single breakdown since I got here. At first it worried me, because I've heard stories from all the other girls how they had it really hard the first couple of weeks. I kept thinking maybe I'm just living in denial and this will all hit me so hard all of a sudden. But no, I am completely aware of this new life I'm living. And I'm missing home so much, but I'm enjoying it. I really am. I am okay. I am happy.

A new chapter

Here begins a new chapter.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was to leave everything and go. To be honest, my life right before I left was perfect, I had everything I wanted, everything I needed, I had reached the peak of my happiness right before I had to leave, and it was tough.

But I am extremely excited, to leave everything I love for a while, and go on a journey of loving myself. This is not going to be about studying, or working, or meeting new people to me. This is going to be a trip inside my own mind, getting to know myself and what I am capable of, mentally and physically. This is where I learn to respect myself more because honestly self-love is something I lack.

This will change a lot about me, but I’ll always be the same person. Just more mature and experienced. 

I have packed my everything and have moved out to a small town in Germany called Wiesbaden. I chose this town out of free will, I saw its pictures, I’ve read and heard about it and it just seemed right. I really didn’t want a big city like Berlin or Köln, I wanted something that had a homey family spirit cause I knew that if I went to a big city I was going to lose myself instead of finding it.

Wiesbaden... How much effort I’ve put into you. But the moment I saw you I knew you were worth it.

Wiesbaden was closed and it was not one of the options when we were given a list of cities to choose from, but I wanted it anyway. We arranged a letter of recommendation from my university to the RheinMain university here in Wiesbaden, I put together a portfolio and sent it in hopes of getting a seat. A couple of weeks later I got the acceptance letter. And that was the first challenge done.

Wiesbaden surprised me with ‘shared room’ dorms for students, and if you know anything about me you’d know that me sharing a living space with a stranger is impossible. And here is where my second challenge started, as I started looking for a single room apartment. I send around 88 requests, for 88 different people, and I got 3 replies back. The three said they were full. I came to Wiesbaden still not having a roof over my head. But thankfully I had my parents with me, and a miracle happened and I found a beautiful single apartment. And this was the second challenge done.

I am aware that those challenges are going to sound simple in a few months, I am aware that what I am going to encounter is not going to be simple, but I am fully ready.

It is beautiful counting down days, it is beautiful that I have a life to come back for back home. It’s exciting that I have loved ones waiting for me.

It is beautiful this chance, this experience. I am vey lucky to get to try this, and I will make the best of it.

And of course living alone is going to put so many thoughts in my head, so here is where I’ll be sharing. I honestly don’t know how often I’ll be posting, just when I feel like it, nothing fixed, nothing to stick to. 

So.. Until next time.